TFLN in Gotham

[plotarmored]

Comments

hit me

[preened]

I can only speak casual Parseltongue. I'm not bad, though. Just the general "Where's the bathroom?" "Open the Chamber of Secrets." That type of stuff.

[asyoulike]

Is this your way of trying to get a pet snake?

[preened]

One of Selina's friends has one. I was thinking of getting one. Keep Alfred company.

[asyoulike]

I think it's more likely that you can actually talk Parseltongue than Alfred allowing you a pet, let alone a snake. Still, I applaud your optimism.

[preened]

Can you talk to him? He values your opinion, like I do.

[ sweet talking is a-go. ]

[asyoulike]

No.

That would be foolish of me. And I am not so easily manipulated.

[preened]

[ dammit. ]

For the record, I never thought you were so easily manipulated. Perhaps someone with a soft heart.

I just want a snake, Lucius. This is the least dangerous thing I've asked for in the last four years.

[asyoulike]

Exploiting a kind and generous nature? Tell me, are you attempting to get into Slytherin or is this pure accidental?

You're not lying and I agree it is but I don't think Alfred will not want it because of their danger.

[preened]

I've been told I look quite fetching in green.

[ that's your answer to everything, lucius. get him a snake. ]

[oldsausage]

When I told you to read more British literature, that's so not what I meant, mate.

[preened]

Can I get a wand?

[oldsausage]

You can get a broom if you want.

[preened]

YES YOU'RE THE BEST ALFRED

[oldsausage]

For SWEEPING, Master Bruce.

[preened]

[ there's a noticeable pause. ]

Why would I be sweeping? They don't sweep in Hogwarts.

[oldsausage]

Because you're not in Hogwarts, Master B, and the house isn't going to sweep itself, is it?

[preened]

If I had a wand it would be able to sweep itself!

[oldsausage]

I'm never letting you read any Tolkien.

[preened]

Can I get something out of that one, too?

[oldsausage]

Could pick up a nice ring, I reckon.

[preened]

Are rings preciousssssss to you, Alfred?

[oldsausage]

You really ought to get out more, Master B. Turning into a right shut-in weirdo.

[preened]

I get out enough, Alfred. You needn't be concerned with me and my missions concerning a ring and a hobbit.

[oldsausage]

Right. It's going to take a lot of sweeping to get all that bollocks out of your system.

[preened]

Can we spar instead? It's easier to get rid of all that bollocks.

[ he has no clue what you said, dad. ]